A little Jewish humor

June 8, 2006 at 7:38 pm (Jokes)

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay, Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”
She immediately replies, “The one on the right.”
“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?
The Jewish mother replies, “I don’t like her.”
~+~+~+~+~+~++~+~+~+~+~+~

There’s a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Q: Why don’t Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came back, she replied, “So did my arthritis.”
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

A man calls his mother in Florida . “Mom, how are you?”
“Not too good”, says the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”
The son says, “Why are you so weak?”
She says, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”
The man says, “That’s terrible! Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”
The mother answers, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother
he’s been given a part in the school play.
“Wonderful! What part is it?” replies his mother.
The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.”
The mother scowls “That’s terrible. Go back and tell the teacher that you want a speaking part.”
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

Q – How does a Jewish mother change a light bulb?
A -(Sigh) Don’t bother, I’ll sit in the dark, I don’t want I should bother anybody.
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Q – Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish
mother on the street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.”
A – “Force yourself” she replied.
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish
Mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: