Never Argue with a Woman

June 8, 2006 at 7:38 pm (Jokes)

One morning the husband returns after several hours of
fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not
familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the
boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors,
and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up
alongside the woman and says, “Good morning, Ma’am.
What are you doing?”

“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that
obvious?”)”You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he
informs her. “I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing.
I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know
you could start at any moment. I’ll have
to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual
assault,” says the woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game
warden. “That’s true, but you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.”

“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely
she can also think.

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A little Jewish humor

June 8, 2006 at 7:38 pm (Jokes)

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, “Okay, Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”
She immediately replies, “The one on the right.”
“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?
The Jewish mother replies, “I don’t like her.”
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There’s a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.
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Q: Why don’t Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
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Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
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When the doctor called Mrs. Liebenbaum to tell her that her check came back, she replied, “So did my arthritis.”
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A man calls his mother in Florida . “Mom, how are you?”
“Not too good”, says the mother. “I’ve been very weak.”
The son says, “Why are you so weak?”
She says, “Because I haven’t eaten in 38 days.”
The man says, “That’s terrible! Why haven’t you eaten in 38 days?”
The mother answers, “Because I didn’t want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”
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A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother
he’s been given a part in the school play.
“Wonderful! What part is it?” replies his mother.
The boy says, “I play the part of the Jewish husband.”
The mother scowls “That’s terrible. Go back and tell the teacher that you want a speaking part.”
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Q – How does a Jewish mother change a light bulb?
A -(Sigh) Don’t bother, I’ll sit in the dark, I don’t want I should bother anybody.
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Q – Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish
mother on the street and said, “Lady, I haven’t eaten in three days.”
A – “Force yourself” she replied.
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Q: What’s the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish
Mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
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